How to Overcome Fear?

Fear stops success. Everyone has their fears. Spiders, snakes, darkness, etc. Although, most of these fears are either caused by people’s imagination, or are harmless. But how can you tell if the danger is real, and most importantly, how to get over being afraid of it? Read this guide to find out!

1. Analyze the fear. Can it harm you at any way? If it can’t, then there is nothing to be afraid of (but still read the rest of the guide, just to be comfortable and completely wipe off the fear). If it can hurt you, keep reading the guide for a solution. For example, a garter snake cannot harm you, it just eats spiders and bugs. If you touch it, you will not die/get severely hurt (even if it bites you, which is not likely). But, rattle snakes, on the other hand, are dangerous and if you touch one, you might get bitten.
2. Try gradual desensitization. If you’re afraid of spiders, don’t start by confronting a whole nest of real ones. Remind yourself it’s an irrational phobia and look at a badly drawn doodle of a spider done in freaky colors. When you can look at that cartoon and control your reaction, move up to photos of spiders. Then try cleaning up dead spiders. As you gain confidence working through each stage of proving to yourself that you can control your phobia, it will diminish till you no longer feel it as anything but a twinge in the most extreme circumstances.
3. Look at what others are doing. For example, you are afraid to ride that totally extreme roller-coaster in the theme park. Look at the ages of people who are riding it (probably 9 to 50). If you are in that age range, examine your own health condition. Consult your doctor for medical advice. If you are healthy and in the correct age range, you can freely ride a coaster without worrying about getting hurt.
4. Confront whatever it is you’re afraid of directly. If you are afraid of harmless spiders in your basement, catch one and hold it in your hand. Try the smallest one you can find first. This can be tough if you are arachnophobic, but try to hold it for a long time until the gross-out feeling is gone. Do that a couple times. If you are afraid of certain action, do steps 1 & 2 and if it’s safe, do it.
5. If your fear is truly dangerous, find a way to destroy it. I wouldn’t recommend doing previous step in this situation. Although, you can find some safety rules and put yourself in a condition where you can be safe even if the fear is in front of you. Other most important rule here is not to panic. Just act cool and assure yourself that as long as you follow the safety guidelines, your fear is harmless and nothing to be afraid of.
6. Change the way you think and you change the way you act. You can control your thoughts. Since you’re only able to consciously think about one thing at a time, only allow positive thoughts to go through your mind. Whenever a negative thought or fear enters, simply choose to stop it right in its tracks and immediately change that thought to something positive.
7. Deliberately try to program right thoughts into your head every single day. This is the best way to change the picture of fear into one of victory.
8. Realize the best defense from fear is a good offense. What you imagine is almost always worse than the truth. So many times the “truth” you see in your mind is only the truth as you believe it to be. So sometimes the best thing is the very thing you fear, even if you have to do it afraid.
9. If you have some kind of phobia, like phobia of being in a crowded area, being alone, going to a place that you hate, a certain color, or anything that you know is harmless, just go to that place with a friend or go alone keeping in mind that nothing will happen(you know it). If it’s some color or thing just touch it ’till you realize that nothing will happen. If it’s a spider, go stand near it. You know that nothing will happen to you and its just the look that scares you
10. Forget method: Tell all your friends your fear. Ask them not to talk about it. Get busy.
11. Confront method: This isn’t as scary as it seems but keep doing the activity next to someone then alone.
12. Fun method: Print out a picture of it, punch it, kick it! Do anything that makes you feel better and tell the fear you’re bigger than it.

Reference: http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Fear

20 Ways to Overcome Shyness

The Three Components of Shyness

According to Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute, shyness has three components:

• Excessive Self-Consciousness – you are overly aware of yourself, particularly in social situations.
• Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation – you tend to see yourself negatively.
• Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation – you tend to pay too much attention to all the things you are doing wrong when you are around other people.

Can you relate? When you are experiencing shyness, can you fit your state of mind into one or more of the above categories? We sure can.

Why Do We Experience Shyness?

We all experience shyness differently and on varying degrees. However, root cause can be boiled down to one of the following reasons:

1. Weak Self Image

This is especially true to our experiences in high school. We would believe in the fallacy that our unique qualities were not interesting, cool or worthy of anyone’s admiration.We would try to fit in with everyone else, resulting in us not feeling like ourselves.

2. Pre-occupation with Self

When we’re around other people, we become extremely sensitive to what we’re doing, as if we’ve been put on center stage. This creates anxiety and makes us question our every move. Our focus centers around ourselves and particularly on “what I was doing wrong”. This can cause a downward spiral.

3. Labeling

When we label ourselves as a shy person, we psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. We may say to ourselves, “I am a shy person, than it must be true that I am shy. This is how I am, and this is the way things are.” When we label something, that thing has the perception of being fixed and therefore we must live up to the expectations of the labeling.

How to Overcome Shyness

We’ve both experienced different variations of shyness, and through practice and increased awareness we have both overcome this. The following are tips that have helped us overcome this uncomfortable feeling.

1. Understand Your Shyness

Seek to understand your unique brand of shyness and how that manifests in your life. Understand what situation triggers this feeling? And what are you concerned with at that point?

2. Turning Self Consciousness into Self Awareness

Recognize that the world is not looking at you. Besides, most people are too busy looking at themselves. Instead of watching yourself as if you are other people, bring your awareness inwards. Armed with your understanding of what makes you shy, seek within yourself and become the observing presence of your thoughts. Self awareness is the first step towards any change or life improvement.

3. Find Your Strengths

We all have unique qualities and different ways of expressing ourselves. It’s important to know and fully accept the things we do well, even if they differ from the norm. If everyone was the same, the world would be a pretty boring place.

• Find something you are good at and focus on doing it. An identifiable strength will boost your natural self esteem and your ego, helping you better identify with yourself. It is a short term fix, but will give you the confidence you need to break your self-imposed barrier of fear.
• See how your unique strength gives you an advantage. For example, Amanda is a naturally quiet person who prefers to spend time alone. She learned that she listens better than others and notices things that others miss in conversations. She also discovered that her alone time has given her a better understanding of herself.

4. Learn to Like Yourself

Practice appreciating yourself and liking the unique expression that is you. Write a love letter to yourself, do things you enjoy, give gratitude for your body and its effortless functions, spend quality time getting to know yourself, go on a self-date.

5. Not Conforming

Trying to fit in like everyone else is exhausting and not very much fun. Understand that it is okay to be different. In fact, underlying popular kid’s public displays of coolness, they too are experiencing insecurities, self-consciousness, and awkwardness. Accept that you may not be perceived as the most popular social butterfly, and you may not want to be either. At the end of the day, being popular will not make you happy. Accepting your unique qualities can set you free.

6. Focus on Other People

Rather than focusing on your awkwardness in social situations, focus on other people and what they have to say. Become interested in learning about others, and probe them to talk about themselves. You can try pondering the question while interacting: What is it about this person that I like?

7. Releasing Anxiety through Breath

Anxiety and fear can feel overwhelming if you are practicing to become more assertive in order to overcome this fear.

• One simple technique to calm this anxiety into manageable bites is taking deep breaths with your eyes closed, while concentrating on just your breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly while clearing out all thoughts.
• Another technique is from yoga: counting as you inhale and then as you exhale. Slowly leveling out your inhale and exhale duration. Example, 4 count for in and 4 for out. Once your breaths are leveled, add an extra count during your exhale. This means slowing down your exhale by just a tad as compared to your inhale. Continue for a few minutes until you are comfortable, than add another count to your exhale. You can easily do this in the bathroom, or in a spare room of when you need it.

8. Releasing Anxiety through Movement

One way of viewing anxiety is that it is blocked energy that needs to be released. We can release this energy through physical movement.

• Exercises like jogging or walking will help to re-channel some of the blocked energies, but also helps by pulling you out of the situation and shifts your state of mind. This refreshed state of mind will help by adding perspectives to things.
• Another effective technique is a simple muscle meditation/exercise. Sit down or lie down. Bring awareness to every part of your body, starting from your toes and moving up your body to the top of your head. At every part of your body, tighten the muscles at the center of awareness for 3-5 seconds, and then relax. Repeat this until you get to the top of your head. Remember to breathe.

9. Visualization

Visualizing yourself in the situation as a confident and happy person helps to shape your perception of yourself when you are actually in the situation. Close your eyes, sit back somewhere relaxing, listen to some relaxing music, imagine yourself in a scene or situation and see yourself the way you would like to be. In this scene, how do you feel? What do you hear? Do you smell anything? Are you moving? What do you see? Get all your senses involved to make it real.

10. Affirmation

Words can carry incredible energy. What we repeatedly tell ourselves, gets heard by our unconscious mind, and it acts accordingly. If we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are incapable, and too shy to do anything, we will become increasingly aware of evidence to back up this ‘fact’, and our actions will always match what we tell ourselves. Similarly, if we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are capable, confident, and wonderful human beings, our unconscious mind will likely surface the awareness that gives evidence to this new ‘fact’. While, we can’t lie to ourselves, positive visualization and affirmation are helpful in placing us along the road of positive thought patterns.

11. Do Not Leave an Uncomfortable Situation

When we leave shy situations, what we are really doing is reinforcing our shyness. Instead, face the situation square in the face. Turn the fearful situation into a place of introspection and personal growth. Become the observer and dig into yourself, answer the questions: why do I feel this way? What caused me to feel this way? Can there be an alternative explanation to what is happening?

12. Accept Rejection

Accept the possibility that we can be rejected and learning to not take it personally. Remember, you are not alone and we all experience rejections. It is part of life and part of the learning process. The key lies in how you handle rejections when they come. It helps to be mentally prepared before they happen:

• Never take it personally. It was not your fault. It just wasn’t meant to be. The scenario was not the best fit for you.
• Find the lesson – what did you learn? There is a lesson ingrained in every situation. And through these life lessons lies the potential for you to become a better person, a stronger person. Nothing is lost if you can find the lesson. See these as the blessings in disguise.
• Move on. Recognize that when you fall into self-pity, you are not moving forward. Nothing will be changed from your self-pity. When you start to recognize this, it becomes clear that only energy is wasted while we feed to our problem-seeking ego. Pick yourself up, dust off the dirt and move on to the next thing. Try again, try again, try again. It will pay off!

13. Relinquish Perfectionism

When we compare ourselves, we tend to compare ourselves with the most popular person in the room or we compare ourselves with celebrities we see on TV. We set excessive expectations by comparing ourselves unreasonably to people unlike ourselves and wonder “why can’t I be that?” We carry with us a vision of another’s perfection and expect ourselves to fit that exact mold. And when we don’t fit, we beat ourselves up for it, wondering why we are such failures. You see, the problem lies in our emphasis on fitting into a vision we have created in our minds, which is not us. Let go of this perfect image, create visions of yourself out of the Being from who you are, naturally; and let that expression flow, naturally.

14. Stop Labeling Yourself

Stop labeling yourself as a shy person. You are you, you are unique, and you are beautiful. Can’t we just leave it at that?

15. Practice Social Skills

Like any other skill, social skills can be cultivated through practice and experience. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it becomes next time. If you have a hard time knowing what to say, you can practice what to say ahead of time.

16. Practice Being in Uncomfortable Situations

Sometimes, it is not the social skills we lack, but rather the lack of self confidence that we may succeed, and a heightened fear that we will fail. Placing yourself in these uncomfortable situations will help to desensitize your fear towards the situation. The more you force yourself to face it, and to experience it completely, you will realize that it is not that bad after all. It may be hard for your ego to accept at first, but quickly you will find that you can just laugh and enjoy it.

17. The Three Questions

During social settings where you may experience nervousness, periodically ask yourself the following three questions. Doing so will distract yourself from more self-destructive thoughts. Make it your mantra:

1. Am I breathing?
2. Am I relaxed?
3. Am I moving with grace?

18. What is Comfortable for You?

Going to bars and clubs isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Understand what feels comfortable for you, and find people, communities and activities which bring out the best in you. You can be just as equally social in settings that you connect with on a personal level, than the popular social settings. You don’t have to be doing what “everyone” else is doing. Besides, everyone else isn’t necessarily happy, despite your perception as such.

19. Focus on the Moment

Becoming mindful of what you’re doing, regardless of what you’re doing, will take focus away from the self. When you are having a conversation, forget about how you look, focus on the words, fall into the words, become absorbed in the words. The tones. The expression. Appreciate it and give gratitude for it.

20. Seek and Record Your Successes

As you overcome this condition we’ve been labeling as shyness, you will have many wins and realizations about yourself. You will gain insights into the truth behind social scenarios. You will start to view yourself differently and come to recognize that you can become comfortable and confident. When these wins and realizations happen, make sure to keep a notebook and write them down. Keeping a journal of your successes will not only boost self confidence, but also shift your focus towards something that can benefit you.

What are some of your moments of shyness? What did you do to overcome them? If you haven’t overcome them, why do you think that is the case & what can you do about it next time? See you in the comments!

Reference: http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/20-ways-to-attack-shyness/

10 ways to improve your memory

Turn That Frown Upside Down

Depression increases cortisol levels in the bloodstream, increased cortisol levels affect the hippocampus which is the “clearing center for short-term memory,” and next thing you know, you’re struggling to remember anything new.

Sure, improving your memory isn’t exactly easy if you’re struggling with depression, but the knowledge that it might be the source of your difficulties can help you find a way to treat the issue—be it by seeking professional help or sorting out something that’s going on in your life.

Get Off the Couch

It’s all too easy to find excuses to avoid exercise, but eventually the laziness will affect your ability to remember if you’ve used the same excuse 15 or 16 times already:

The brain depends on energy received through a constant intake of oxygen and nutrients from the bloodstream, and when those nutrients don’t arrive, the brain’s ability to work is compromised

The solution? Get off the couch or away from the desk or just plain out of the house. Get moving a bit. No one’s asking you to run a marathon, but a bit of exercise will leave your brain—and your hips—happier.

Think in Pictures

The examples HowStuffWorks gives to explain thinking in pictures are goofy, but they do help with the explain the idea and why it works:

Say you place your eyeglasses on the kitchen table. When you do so, imagine your eyeglasses eating all the food on the table. Later, when you’re wondering where your glasses are, your brain has this image in the bank.

Well, how could that not work? Like you’d forget the mental image of your glasses eating your dinner.

Ah-ttention!

This couldn’t be more obvious, but to remember things you need to pay attention to them in the first place. If you’re just nodding along and watching TV as your pal tells you about his favorite books, odds are you won’t recall them later on. But if you’d listened to him actively and asked questions, you would find it easier to recall his secret love of Twilight the next day.

Word Association

For the longest time I struggled to remember that the last name for Lifehacker’s Kevin was Purdy. But then he posted a project which I deemed oh-so-pretty that for some reason I began to associate a silly spelling of pretty, purty, with Kevin. Pretty, purty, Purdy. Tada! Since then I’ve never forgotten Kevin’s last name or the fact that he posts pretty projects on occasion.

Sometimes silly wordplay or term association can help you remember people’s names or traits. Yes, it really can get ridiculous, but it works. And it’s not like you really have to tell someone how you remember his or her name.

Lump Things Together

Tell me your phone number. Ok, you don’t really have to tell me, but say it to yourself. Do you notice how you seem to naturally pause at certain points? Three numbers—pause—three numbers—pause—four numbers. That’s because you memorize things in little chunks like that. It helps to break things down and group them. Sometimes these “chunks” of information can be more easily recalled if you add word association to the mix.

Take After Hannibal Lecter

Hannibal Lecter was known for using the method of loci, the method of location, to aid his memory. He imagined walking through a castle-like home and pictured objects which he associated with memories. You can use the same method by visualizing a home or a road and picturing whatever you’re memorizing as things or people along the way.

Look Around

You can use your environment to trigger memories. Let’s say you need to burn a CD for someone. Take a blank disk and place it on top of your desk. Later on it will stand out to you and wondering why it’s there will make you recall that you needed to burn a copy of “Party in the USA” for someone.

Try, Try Again

Repetition, repetition, repetition. Whether it’s repeating a phone number until you remember it or practicing one of these memory methods until it sticks, repetition is key.

Reference: http://gizmodo.com/5493966/10-ways-to-improve-your-memory

Four Ways to Improve Your Self Esteem by Barbara White

Self esteem describes how we feel about ourselves .Our self esteem or sense of self worth is normally based on our perception of our abilities and how we believe other people accept and value us as individuals. Self esteem affects our confidence and how we behave and function in life. It is our internal belief system that stems from our life experience and relationships and how we have interpreted them. We automatically find ourselves accepting those beliefs and they feel like ‘reality’ to us. We can improve our sense of self esteem by changing those beliefs, and in doing so will increase our confidence, and our enjoyment in living.

Here are some proven ways to increase your self esteem:

1. Accept Who You Are, Warts and All

Learn to accept and be comfortable with who you are. Become content in your own skin. We are so often far more critical of ourselves than we are of others. Our self imposed standards can be self sabotaging. You are not perfect, and no matter how hard you try, you will never become perfect. You are unique. You have a unique combination of personality, life background and experiences, strengths and weaknesses. One size does not fit all. Stop comparing yourself with others, and trying to live up to the expectations of what other people think you should be like. This is a self defeating response and will only lead to discouragement and negative self image rather than self acceptance.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Make Mistakes

To make mistakes is a natural part of learning and self improvement. Everyone makes mistakes; it is a normal part of life. We all go through negative and embarrassing experiences. Success and personal development comes, not through going through experiences, but learning from them and becoming experienced. Your attitude to mistakes and failures has far more power for personal growth than the experiences themselves. Accept that making mistakes will always be part of your life, learn from them. Failure is sometimes unavoidable, however it is not a reflection of who you are as a person, but merely a consequence of a choice or and action that was made. Do not give it unnecessary negative power in your life and future.

3. Remember You Always Have A Choice As To How You Will Respond Or React.

No matter what the situation or circumstance you always have a choice as to how you will respond to it.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said,
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
This is so true. We may only have a few seconds to choose how we will react to a negative situation or comment, but we still have the choice to embrace, or reject its potential power over us. No one can have power over you unless you give them permission.

4. Look At Your Fears From A Different Perspective.

You are not alone in feeling fear. We all have the ability to scare ourselves into inaction. Learn to look at your fear from another perspective. Our body is unable to tell the difference between a real event and an imaginary event, and so we experience intense feelings of fear and self protection. Sometimes this fear originates from what we imagine may happen. If this is the case, our fear is not based on a real event. Whenever we step outside of our comfort zone we feel fear, this is because our fear is not necessarily based on fact, but unfamiliarity. Stepping out of our comfort zone, however, is an important part of our personal development and growth, and the fear we experience is not necessarily an indication of impending personal danger. Visualize what you would like the successful result of an action to look like, rather than focus on the worst case scenario that your imagination would have you believe might happen. Remember you have handled everything that has happened to you in your life so far, and have survived, or you would not be reading this!

Which one of behaviour patterns describes you the most? Start with that one. Set yourself a goal to choose to respond differently. Watch your self esteem start to grow and positively change your life.

Reference: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Barbara_White